part 1: Philadelphia
part 2: Milwaukee!!
Arizona Diamondbacks
- expansion team in 1998
- 65-97
- what you'd expect from an expansion team
- 100-62 in 1999
- yeah that shouldn't happen
- lost to the Mets
- winning pitchers for the Mets: Turk Wendell, Rick Reed, and John Franco
- you can't let that happen
- 2001
- Won World Series
- seriously
- no really, that happened
- 2002
- 97-65
- lost in the NLDS
- winning pitchers: Matt Morris, Jeff Fassero, and Jeff Fassero
- seriously...Jeff Fassero
- 2004
- 51-111
- oof
- best batters according to Baseball Reference WAR:
- Steve Finley 1.4
- seriously 1.4
- Shea Hillenbrand 1.3
- seriously 1.3
- Matt Kata
- seriously, Matt Kata
- 0.9
- seriously
- Chad Tracy
- 0.8
- Alex Cintron
- 613 at bats
- 0.1 WAR
- slightly above pathetic
- Steve Randolph had a higher batting WAR
- a pitcher with 12 at bats
- .417/.417/.667
- never thought of putting him in the field??
- How about that pitching staff:
- Randy Johnson
- he's pretty good
- perfect game anyone??
- 7.4 WAR
- 16-14
- Brandon Webb
- 3.1 WAR not terrible
- 7-16
- Casey Fossum
- yes Casey Fossum, 3rd most starts on the team
- 4-15
- -1.3 WAR
- that isn't good
- Jeff Fassero
- 1 IP
- better than Fossum
- 2007
- made it back to the NLCS
- swept by Colorado
- winning pitchers in that series:
- Francis, Corpas, Fogg, Herges
- seriously
- somehow defying Doug Davis' incredible 1.000/1.000/2.000 line
- 3.000 OPS!!
- ok fine that's a double in 1 AB
- 2009-2010
- hired A.J. Hinch for some reason
- hey he's from Iowa!!
- 2010
- Hinch replaced by Kirk Gibson
- not from Iowa
- 2011
- division champs
- not actually a city
- It is illegal to hunt camels in the State of Arizona
- we're off to a flying start
- In the City of Glendale it is illegal for a car to back up
- OK let's concentrate on Phoenix
5th6th largest city in the US- contradicting my own work
- it's a dry heat
- The city is home to the world's largest municipal park: South Mountain Park
- 20,000 acres
- That's big and stuff
- Avery
- who
what the $#%&* was that??
- Rich Beem
- 2002 PGA Championship winner
- that's about it
- Alektra Blue
- NSFW!!
- Funkefeller
- whatever that is
- Jennie Garth
- for like 2 years
- I'm counting it
- Barry Goldwater
- 1964 Presidential candidate
- almost swept the SEC
- Barry Goldwater Jr.
- his dad ran for President
- Jim Hensley
- beer dude
- father in law of John McCain
- John McCain
- 2008 Presidential candidate
- also almost swept the SEC
- what's wrong with you Florida??
- Chelsea Kane
- was on Dancing with the Stars
- apparently is a star
- Ty Murray
- Stevie Nicks
- bloated Fleetwood Mac singer
- may or may not be a witch
she turned me into a newt!!
I got better
- Greg Proops
- improv comedy dude
- Jordin Sparks
- something something American Idol
- Emma Stone
- actress or something
- Taryn Thomas
- Wikipedia links her to Phoenix but says born in New Jersey
- I'm going with it
- 2006 F.A.M.E. dirtiest girl in porn
- NSFW!!
- NSFW!!
- NSFW!!
- Melody Thornton
- one of the Pussycat Dolls apparently
- J.J. Yeley
- NASCAR dude
- DJ Z-Trip
- OMG DJ Z-TRIP
- what's a DJ Z-Trip??
OK that's about enough for Arizona, next up (insert wild card winner here)
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